Last spring I transitioned from artificial plants to owning 12 live tropicals. A sale at the local nursery threw me into plant motherhood and I love every minute of it. Each morning I look forward to seeing their growth and the potential for new flowers and leaves. I'm always planning the next plant I’ll add to my collection, hunting for cute new pots and constantly reading about all the ways I can care for them.
This spring I decided to take a small garden bed at the side of my house and transform it into my first herb and vegetable garden. Let's just say, I’m already planning next year's garden as I have become obsessed.
With all the plant love I have going on these days, my anxiety loves to pop up and try to ruin it. When I brought those first plants home and the novelty wore off, I started to worry that I had no idea how I was going to keep them alive, or where the heck were they all going to live. This leads me to the assumption I had just wasted my money and don't know what I'm doing. This thought process tends to lead me towards self doubt where I will most likely talk myself out of doing that next step because it's too risky, too scary, and I'm not capable. I like to do things that I already know because staying in my comfort zone provides me with security. I had just stepped out of my bubble with these plants and I was nervous. What I'm learning about myself is that if I'm feeling a pull or desire to do something, it will usually work out just fine because I'm listening to my intuition, my heart calling; I'm honouring what my body and spirit are craving and I will find way to make it successful.
But it all comes back to taking that first step which I find the hardest to do. When I do finally commit to something, I want to be totally invested and I strive to be the best at it as soon as possible. Indoor plant owner translates to: “Okay, I need to know everything about indoor plant care as fast as possible and be able to master it first try”. What a silly idea, of course I'm setting the bar too high and setting myself up for failure.
This happened again with my vegetable garden this spring. I got to the garden store and was instantly filled with doubt and fear. There were so many options and varieties of each plant and herb that I didn't know where to start. Instead of being overwhelmed and leaving like I wanted to do, I decided to just ask the expert. I was shown some great starter types, picked the ones that looked the healthiest and was on my merry way. I couldn't wait to get these babies in the garden bed, and I was excited again.
My excitement for planting this garden suddenly shifted into panic and anxiety when I got home. My head was swimming with questions about spacing, depth of planting, shade vs sun, water vs drought, and supporting my plants while they grow. This project was quickly becoming a nightmare.
I am so thankful for my husband Matt because he's logical and practical. After seeing the state that I was in trying to make the perfect garden, he said to me “Danielle, just put them in the dirt. Stop worrying about spacing and perfect placement, and just get them in there. This is your first garden, who cares if it all dies. You learn from it, try again next time and we get what we need from the store.This is suppose to be fun and exciting.”
I love this man for being my anchor in the storm. He's learned to understand that in these moments, I need to be grounded with logic. I get so caught up with the what ifs, self doubt and perfectionism that I become completely unable to act. My anxious thoughts can be all consuming, distracting and at times paralyzing that I keep myself from reaching my destinations. With his advice, I planted everything and I felt the excitement return. It isn't perfect but it doesn’t always need to be. My brain got in the way of my joy, and I almost gave up.
Gardening and plant care is teaching me about hope. Too often I get hung up on needing tangible facts that I forget to just relax and let the magic reveal itself. I need to practice believing in the possibility of positive outcomes and let go of negativity and doubt. Audrey Hepburn once said “to plant a garden is to believe in the possibility of tomorrow.” I aspire to be free of my restrictive thoughts and take that leap into the unknown more often. I will have hope instead of doubt.
I look forward to learning new skills along the way and enjoying the fruits of my labour with each ripe tomato & green bean. Cheers to new adventures, leaps of faith and the hope for tomorrow!
xo Dee
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even though i’m an avid gardener now, I still am riddled with anxiety and doubt when I get back from Terra on my first haul of the spring. I get so overwhelmed with figuring out how to make it perfect so the plants will survive and look aesthetically pleasing. Now I tell myself that a garden is going to look pretty no matter what as long as it’s taken care of. How can it not look good, right?? Just get them in the dirt And nature will work it’s magic :)
Just plant the flowers Dee, they’ll be fine 😉🥰