Overcooked: A Parenting Struggle

September has always been my New Year, even before I had my kids. It’s the start of many activities in life's and the end of those warm, carefree days of summer. Its hard to not get swept up in the excitement of new possibilities when the weather starts to change and the leaves begin their transformation. I find myself entering this season feeling inspired, excited, goal setting and as if I can take on anything. If you have kids you might understand that this carefree enthusiasm can quickly dissipate when you are met with a new school year, the beginning of endless lunches and all the after school activities.

As much as I look forward to September I unknowingly set my self up for failure. I don’t know about you but I'm suddenly Martha Stewart; here come the homemade granola bars and hot, home cooked dinners every night. My kids will read each day, get to bed early each night. We will be super organized, post it notes and calendar reminders so we can stay on track. This all seems pretty attainable when I look at it yet there are things I forget to account for. Those weekly after school sports and club meetings that are starting right in the middle of the evening. Now we are shoving whatever we have available in out mouths just to make it from point A to point B. Those homemade granola bars burned in the oven when I was too busy vacuuming, helping with homework and folding laundry. Here's your Quaker Chewy bar kiddo. Lets not forget I do have a husband and my own full time career to work around.

All of a sudden, those perfect intentions are imploding right before me and its hard not to get down on myself. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about sending a kid to school with a lunch full of store bought foods, but it feels like just another failed attempt at getting it all right.

Expectations and overcommitting can really affect the way we perceive our daily lives. When I set goals, I shoot for the moon every time and tell myself that if I land short that’s okay. Yet with each take out dinner or frozen pizza, I'm beating myself up. I have already accepted defeat. Where do these benchmarks for perfection come from and why do I assume I must reach it every time? Also, why do I NEED to put my kids in all of the extra activities, how many is too many? Will they really suffer if for this term we downshift our commitments to make room for everyone?

This doesn’t just apply to parents, but anyone who sets goals and dreams big. It's learning to accept that life doesn’t always go as planned, no matter how many post it notes you use. It comes back to how you pivot in that moment and how do you show yourself compassion. Your goal or dream isn't gone because you’ve been met with resistance or a change of plan; there's always time to reflect, regroup and try again.

As I reflect on the first two weeks of September, I'm taking inventory of what's happened, how I've felt and how do I want to move forward? Am I maintaining those boundaries that keep me in control and don’t drain me of all my passion and energy? Its time to consider how my high expectations and commitments are coming head to head with real life. Its also time to ask myself, where am I in all this? Have I made time for myself in the calendar? We get so swept away with taking care of those around us, its so easy to forget about ourselves. It feels good taking care of our families, you get that feeling of success and accomplishment when you can step back from that beautiful calendar and know you’ve got this figured out. But after awhile, that cup drains as you give to everyone else. In my attempt to make hot dinners each night, have I unknowingly cut out that yoga class in the evenings to meet this new goal? And am I allowing myself room to make adjustments. Maybe Thursday nights I commit to my yoga class (and that personal goal I somehow forgot about) and the hot meal falls on my spouse that night or the local pizza delivery guy.

I read an article where a psychotherapist named Jennifer Freed said that in her practice and personal life "many of us are quick to dismiss our own goals, but will rush to help other people reach theirs." I know as a mom/wife, it can feel like I'm always making room for my family's goals but I can often reschedule or cancel my own activities to help facilitate the rest of the calendar. As a caregiver and outwardly loving person, I overlook myself and make space for me.

If you find yourself reading this and nodding your head, know you aren't alone. It's so hard to get it all done, day after day. I know its not as easy as saying "Okay I'm putting myself first now" but is it too much to put our personal, individual goals on that calendar too? Schedule that gym class, book the coffee date, buy that Cricket machine and customize that mug dammit!

As we transition into this season of change, I hope we can collectively work towards making time for ourselves and be more compassionate in our pursuits. We're all out here working hard, dreaming big and trying to stay connected to ourselves. It wont always go smoothly or perfectly, so when that happens, order the damn pizza and take a deep breathe, embrace the minimal dishes and comforting carbohydrates delivered straight to your door.

Xo Dee

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{Article from The Goop Website https://goop.com/ca-en/wellness/mindfulness/why-we-overcommit/} If you have time, go check it out!