"My mind and me, We don't get along sometimes" Selena Gomez
This song by Selena Gomez really hit home for me because she was able to accurately describe what living with anxiety can feel like. When I was diagnosed with my anxiety disorder & depression, I spent most of the time trying to ignore it because I didn't want the label attached to me. I always passed it off as me not coping, I must be the "problem". Essentially I chose to supress it, which of course "helped" for a moment, but it always came back.
The diagnosis made me feel embarrassed, weak and broken. I lived with shame and fear that people would judge me or think less of me. I also didn’t want to burden others with my inability to handle the flows of life. The power of my shame and guilt was so strong that I built up an external persona of humour, togetherness and as much calm as possible to keep my secret. I assumed it was a flaw. To be accepted it needed to not exist.
None of this served me and I suffered more for hiding.
This exploration of vulnerability and curiosity has lead me to a wider understanding of what anxiety actually is, why it's always a part of me and how I learn to work with it. And surprise....we all experience anxiety, EVERYONE, not just me! I've come to realize that anxiety can be experienced on a spectrum and for some its felt at a higher, more fearful level and can take greater awareness and various tools to maintain.
Anxiety is a mental and physical reaction to perceived threats and in small doses this can be helpful. It seeks to protect us from danger and helps focus our attention on the problem while seeking a solution. When the it becomes dysregulated, it can be debilitating.
We see anxiety in our daily lives in various ways like sweaty palms before a presentation, the butterflies on the first day of a new job or the endless questions we get when making a big decision like buying a house. Most of these physical symptoms and frequent thoughts dissipate once the task is underway and we take action. The action allows us to down regulate to a space of calm, easiness and go about the rest of our day. So what is happening for people whose bodies stay at this heightened state of stress and why is it hard to get under control?
A smoke detector is the best analogy for anxiety because they serve similar purposes. Smoke detectors are used as an insurance policy in our homes to help alert us to potential dangers and to act on them early. Anxiety within our bodies is similar; it's there to help keep us safe from dangers in daily life like the cars on the road when looking to cross the street or potential predators in the bushes when walking at night. It can also keep us on track with smaller, less serious experiences in our lives like projects and deadlines.
As wonderful as these safety systems are, sometimes they malfunction or can be overly sensitive and anxiety is no different. We've all burnt toast at one time which causes the smoke detector to go off causing you to jump and frantically wave that tea towel to get it to stop. We know the burnt toast isn't a serious danger. The smoke detector on the other hand doesn’t know the difference in these situations and neither does a dysregulated anxiety response.
Our anxiety alarm can also become highly sensitive to daily stresses activating our fight or flight response. This inappropriately floods the system with adrenaline and cortisol. Living in this heightened state can be an exhausting way to live on a daily basis, especially for our mind and body. It's no wonder I feel exhausted and snappy when I'm dysregulated.
By being able to label my emotion as anxiety, I've learned more about it and why I need this protective system in my life. I don’t need to feel like there is something wrong with me or that I'm broken. I have an overactive smoke detector that is seeking regulation and daily maintenance.
Ways I regulate can look like:
Deep Breathing Techniques: I like to keep it simple with just tuning in to my inhalations and exhalations. I aim to bring the rate of my breaths down as I am likely breathing much faster than normal and I also work to lengthen the breathe. This exercise allows me to come into my body and leave those racing thoughts.
Hold an Ice cube/take a cold shower: I've tried this couple times and was surprised at how quickly I was able to bring down my anxiety level. While holding the ice cube or standing under cold water, my thoughts begin to be consumed with the sensation of the cold and I no longer can focus on those racing thoughts.
Move my Body: Yoga is my favourite way to relax my tense muscles and walking is the other way I get that stagnate energy moving.
Talk Therapy: Although I don’t have my therapist on speed dial, when we meet, it allows me a safe, supportive space to talk through the worry, rationalize and create a plan for the next heightened experience.
As much as anxiety can feel like an icky emotion to have, it does in fact serve an important purpose in our lives. I also have the power to work with this emotion to create a more harmonious living situation. If we are going to be roommates, lets make it as comfortable as possible.
The smoke detector analogy is excellent. Thanks for sharing that.