Your pants fit a little tighter, you over indulged in Halloween candy, spent a day on the couch having a movie marathon, your exercise level was not a personal best, movies or Instagram have you down a rabbit hole of what if's and what could be's.
A mean girl mixed tape turns on. This is a curated, just for you soundtrack that’s been created with the help of various influences we find ourselves surrounded by. It can be loud and stubborn to a change of mindset. Its powers so strong that over time you become conditioned to believe that this is your truth; "I'm thinking it so it must be true."
Recently, I allowed my personal mean girl soundtrack to overwhelm my inner thoughts and it began casting a shadow over my happiness. And not just towards my body but in other areas like yoga, relationships, career and just overall my life as a whole. We all have a negative inner critic we battle and with my overactive anxiety, it feels as though my inner critic goes into hyper speed to hijack my self love, especially around the love of my body. Logically, I know how I want to feel about my body, but old habits die hard.
So I wonder, why do we learn to hate our bodies, what's the purpose of people hating their bodies? We punish them with diets, restrictions, rigorous exercise and a whole lot of negative self talk. A connection has been made that certain body sizes and shapes are guaranteed happiness. The world is your oyster if you can meet them. Everywhere you turn there are standards set that you are unconsciously required to meet. And lets be real, no size or shape are immune to such negative self talk. We can all fall victim to its unrelenting messages.
In her book, Ignite in Circle, a friend explained a concept called relative truth and how it's "formed from the mental world of ideas, constructs, models, myths, patterns and rules that we've developed and passed on from generation to generation." Examples she spoke about are religion, money, politics, education and in my opinion body standards. Relative truths are moulded by our cultures, where we live and who we surround ourselves with. There is no one perfect answer in these circumstances yet we tend to follow the most widely accepted views without question. In terms of body acceptance, society has chosen the most acceptable size and shape for our bodies for which we are all encouraged to conform if you would like to be loved and accepted. When we do not agree with the expected list of social expectations it feels as though you're being cast out and judged.
Although we are making progress with respect to body standards, it's still a challenge to rise above. We are beginning to see a shift in perspective with more inclusive sizes, diverse women of shape in ads, quick fix diets are being called out for their dangerous side effects and people are beginning to come out of the darkness to speak about their truths. Yet, there are still periods of time where I find myself spiraling into self hate and loathing towards my body.
When I had my daughter I decided, in my closet, that I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I wanted to love myself for who I am, not for the person I feel I'm suppose to be. I want to break this generational idea around our bodies because not only do I want better for her, but for me too. I no longer want to let my mind bully my body.
I am done waiting for the perfect body to feel happiness. I'm not going to hide my body under oversized clothes for the comfort of others, I'm going to wear that crop t-shirt and jeans because I want to. I am going to wear my bikini because I love it. I can look stylish and beautiful in my size 10 wardrobe. I am worthy of style, confidence, respect and love.
Although this soundtrack has a way of humming in the background constantly threatening to come back, there was a moment when I realized that I can separate myself from these vicious thoughts. It happened when I heard them click on again. I became awakened to the idea that I in fact was in control despite what I've been lead to believe. For me this awakening happened with the start of my yoga practice. There came a time when I allowed myself to be me, one with my mat, listening and being guided by my body that the tape turned off. I was allowing my body to open in its truest form, showing it respect and honouring its capabilities and that’s when I rekindled our love affair.
While this moment will be different for each person, I truly believe that if you can learn to establish a patient, open loving relationship between your body and mind, all that negative energy will fizzle away. It starts with the commitment to connect with yourself; rediscover your passions, unique qualities and most of all your dreams. This integration of your mind, body and soul will lead you to explore the world with a new filter. You will discover other like minded souls who are willing to be there to hold you, encourage you and embrace you through all the phases. And suddenly that soundtrack turns off, begins to collects dust as a new playlist is being created.
The road to self love and worthiness is not without its hiccups - old patterns can resurface. So remember, as they say in yoga, this is a practice. We are evolving, learning and showing up for ourselves which means more than perfection. Begin to come out from behind the standards imposed on you and begin blooming and shining your own personal light.
Its time to start finding a way to love our bodies for they allow us to accomplish so much in life despite their shape, size, or imperfections. Loving our bodies will never happen if we continue to feel shame towards them. Lets begin with gratitude for all that its helped us through, slowing down to hear what its asking for and start showing up for it as it is today not what we hope it could be tomorrow.
You are you, and you were never meant to be them.
What will be in your new mixed tape?
"It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you, what matters is what you see" - Gabourey Sidibe
xo Dee
The need to fit in starts a such an early age. While battling our own mixtapes we are trying to produce healthy playlists for our children. I so happy you are speaking about the reality we live in. Love you!
This was a great post and a great reminder that's acceptance is ok and good thing. We don't always need to strive for more or be better in every aspect. "Content" can be a dirty word and shouldn't be. Be content, not complacent.
You have always been and always will be beautiful and perfect inside and outside. ♥️ MOm